What Would You Do?

I've been quietly sitting here every day contemplating what my next move will be in regards to my book. I told you late summer that I would be publishing it as an E-book this fall.  Fall is almost over. No book.

Lots of things to consider. First, protecting the characters--it's been made loud and clear that certain people don't want people figuring out who their character is in the book.  Second, the financial aspects of self publishing. Third, I began to rethink how I've positioned this book. Those of you who know the characters know that this is a true story. But it was hard to piece together everything accurately because it happened so many years ago, and no one has the same recollection of what exactly happened. Lots of rumors and gossip, as well as personal opinions and speculation make what really happened hard to define. Some people have passed away and others are no where to be found. 

So as such, I changed the names and places and filled in the missing information with sensationalized fiction. In addition to protecting the characters, it also protects me from any libel action. But does making it a complete work of fiction take away the importance of what really happened here? I mean, a grown man completely lost his memory due to ECT in the early 1990s at a world-renowned medical clinic. Unbelievable--does making it fiction then make it untrue because it's so unbelievable?

I was going to put Blank Pages to rest and not publish, but I've continued to get hits on this blog, even though I'm not posting anymore. Every day, I have new readers who are reading each posting and continuing through the story. Every day, people say, "When is your book coming out--I can't wait to finish the story." 

So, blog readers...tell me, what do you think I should do? 

Coming Soon....

Blank Pages was going to be released this Spring.  Well, we all know how life gets in the way, don't we?

I'm pleased to announce, however, that editing and design are currently underway, and expect to see Blank Pages as an E-Book later this summer.

Sections of the first half of this book have been posted on this blog, but there is still so much to Joe's story that hasn't been written about on this blog.  Stay tuned for more information as the pub date gets closer.

Page 34: Back in the Hospital

As Christa slowly approached Joe, she could see that he was crying, and she knew at that point that he was not having one of his seizures.

"Joe, honey, what's wrong?"

"I got out of the car. I couldn't find the house," Joe sobbed.  "I started walking.  I don't know where I am."

John had come up behind Joe and Christa and overheard what Joe had said. "That's it, Christa. We're taking him back in, right now.  He can't live his life like this, and neither can we.  They need to do something."

John and Christa took Joe to the car, and John immediately headed toward Rochester.  Thirty minutes later they were standing in the emergency room of St. Mary's Hospital, explaining Joe's situation to the attending nurse.

"I'm not exactly sure what we can do for your son, sir," the nurse politely explained.  "I would suggest that you call his psychiatrist in the morning."

"We're not going anywhere.  If we can't talk to his psychiatrist until morning, then you are putting him in a hospital bed tonight.  It's unsafe for our son to not be under proper supervision," John demanded.

The nurse made a phone call, then left the nurses' station for a few minutes.  When she came back, she began completing the paperwork to have Joe admitted.  "We can admit Joe back up to the psychiatric ward for tonight, but in the morning you will need to get a referral from his primary psychiatrist over at the county clinic.”

"What about Dr. Spitzack?" Christa inquired.  "Can't he refer Joe?"

"Unfortunately Joe was originally referred to us by Dr. Owen at the county clinic.  Once Joe's treatment was complete, he was no longer under Dr. Spitzack's care. You will need to call Dr. Owen in the morning," the nurse instructed.

With that, six weeks after he had been originally discharged, the Aden's signed the admission papers for Joe to be placed back in the psychiatric unit at St. Mary's, and Joe was taken up to a room and given a sedative to help him sleep.

As Joe dozed off, Tessie came to see him again.

Page 33: The Incredible Hulk

Christa remembered that it was only a couple of months after Joe had been back from college that he had his first seizure, except at the time, she didn’t know what was happening.  All of a sudden Joe became so enraged.  Nothing in particular set him off.  He just start yelling and screaming like a mad man.  And, strong!  Why, he gained what seemed to be at least three times his normal strength--almost like the Incredible Hulk.  He picked up the kitchen table and hurled it across the room.  Christa tried to calm him down, but it seemed the more she talked, the more enraged he became.  He picked Christa up and was ready to throw her like a football when all of a sudden, he managed to snap out of it, put Christa back down and became so weak, he could barely stay standing.  He was so weak, he couldn’t even take a drink of water.

Christa took Joe to the emergency room after the first episode, and they hospitalized him for observation.  The doctors determined what Christa had witnessed was a convulsion or seizure of some sort.  They didn’t know what precipitated it, but they thought it might have something to do with the concussion he sustained when he got hit playing football.

Joe continued to have these seizures on and off for years.  Once at Stellar Motors, he became so strong during one of his seizures that he bent a cast-iron semi brake drum with his bare hands, and another time, he punched his fist into the back bumper of a car, placing a dent at least 1-inch deep.

Joe saw doctors on more than one occasion to see why he kept having the seizures or if anything could be done to stop them, but the doctors didn’t seem to have an answer or a solution for him.  Those around Joe had learned that when he would have one of them, they needed to stay perfectly still and quiet so as not to provoke him more.  And, once his seizure had subsided, they knew that Joe would most likely collapse and sleep for the remainder of the day.  

FACTS:  Joe did have these types of seizures and doctors attributed them to his concussion that he received while playing football for Winona State University.

Page 32: Acting Crazy

"Christa? Harold Westerly."

"Yes, Harold, how are you?"

"Fine, but thought I should let you know that Joe is out here in my yard seeming a bit confused. He's walking around in circles, muttering to himself. Tried to get him to come into the house, but he keeps pushing me away.  You know how strong he is, and I was afraid he was having one of those seizures--you know, like he used to get when he'd get all crazy and stuff."

Christa ran outside, hollered at John to get in the car, and off they drove to Harold's farm, only about a half mile down the road.  When they pulled up into Harold's yard, Joe was flinging his arms in the air, pacing back and forth, pounding his head.  Just as Harold had said, "like a crazy man."  Christa approached Joe slowly for fear that Harold might be right about Joe having one of his seizures. 

Joe had been having seizures for years--ever since he had been hurt at Winona State.  It was his freshman year, and his only year, because after that, he couldn't play football anymore. 

Page 31: We Can't Find Joe...Again!

Christa heard Ted's car drive up. She peered out the side living room window from her rocker and saw Ted drive off.  She waited with anticipation to hear the back door open and the sound of Joe's footsteps.  Seconds turned into minutes, but she didn't hear anyone come in the house.  She got up out of her chair in the living room and walked into the kitchen.  Then she walked down the hallway and looked in Joe's room.  No Joe.  She walked back into the living room where John was sleeping in the chair.

"John, wake up," Christa said as she shook his arm. "Ted dropped Joe off.  I saw his car leave the yard, but Joe's not in the house. I'm afraid he may have taken off again."

"Huh?" John said half sleeping.

"I'm going outside to look for him," Christa said worriedly.

Pulling himself up from his slouching position in the chair, John rubbed his eyes. "Damn it, Christa, we can't keep living like this.  Having to watch him every minute. It's like taking care of a baby, except he's 40 years old!"

Christa knew that John was right, but for now she ignored him and put her shoes on. John got up out of his chair and did the same.

With flashlights in hand, John and Christa ventured outside, calling Joe's name as they checked the barn, the sheds, and all the outside buildings.  As Christa passed the house on her way to the apple orchard, she heard the phone ringing in the house. She ran inside, hoping she would answer it before the person on the other end hung up.

Out of breath, she picked up the receiver and answered with anticipation, "Hello?"

Page 30: Joe Goes to McDonald's

Ted and Joe drove off and headed toward Rochester.  Ted kept talking about anything and everything he could think of.  Joe just sat there, listening, but not really understanding anything. Joe was frustrated, but tried not to show it.  The stranger was nice, his mom and Sharon seemed to know who he was, so Joe trusted him as well.

They pulled up into the McDonald’s parking lot.  Ted got out of the car and proceeded to the front door under the Golden Arches.  Joe followed.  When they got inside, Ted ordered 12 Big Macs, 10 for Joe, and two for himself.  He ordered four large fries and two Cokes to go with it. 

Joe watched intently as Ted ordered and the person behind the counter scurried to get them their food.  Joe thought it was interesting how the food came wrapped up.  He had only seen food at the hospital and food that his mother cooked for him.  Ted carried the tray over to a table, quickly opened one of the Big Macs and sunk his teeth into one, chewing ever so slowly, savoring the taste of the beef, cheese and its special dressing. Joe just sat there looking at Ted. 

“Eat, dang it!” Ted ordered with a smile on his face.  “Don’t tell me you lost your appetite, too?  Remember the time you ate five large Pizza Hut Supreme pizzas?”

Joe watched what Ted had done, so he opened the little box, but then he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to use his hands to pick up what was inside. Ted was using one hand, Joe noted, so that’s what he tried. It seemed awkward to him. The burger fell apart, some of it dropping back into the carton, and some dropping to Joe’s lap.

Ted laughed, “First time eating?”

Joe answered, “This? Yes.”

Ted’s face became somber, “Seriously, Joe? You don’t know what a Big Mac is?”

As innocent as could be, Joe replied, “Nope. First time. Never had these in the hospital. Just had a watermelon the other day for the first time, too.” 

The food just about dropped out of Ted’s mouth. Was this for real, because if it wasn’t, Joe was doing a great job of acting. “How about fries?”

“Fries?” Joe asked.

“Yeah, these long things right here,” Ted took some fries out of the little red container, dipped them in ketchup, and ate them.

Joe did the same thing. “First time eating fries,” Joe replied. “I like them. I like the...what did you call it...big...?”

“Big Mac?” Ted finished the sentence for him. “You should, I’ve seen you eat as many as 15 in one sitting.”

Not exchanging many words after that, Ted and Joe finished their meal at McDonald’s. Not knowing what more to say or talk about, the ride back to the Aden farm was quiet. As Ted pulled the car into the Aden’s yard, he said, “Hey Joe, glad you’re back. Maybe we can get together some night for some one-on-one?”

“Sure,” said Joe, not knowing what he was committing to, but thinking it was the right thing to say.  Joe opened the door, got out of the car and started walking toward the house.

Page 29: Ted Finds Joe

Ted was almost to Elsmore, and he saw Joe standing in the ditch, just standing there.  He slammed on his brakes, pulled over to the right side of the road, and rolled down the passenger window. “Joe, what the hell ya doin’?”

Joe looked at Ted and the car with a puzzled look on his face.  “I don’t know where I am.”

“Get in the car, jackass,” Ted teased.  “You got your whole family worried about you.  Let’s get you home.”

Joe went up to the car, opened the door and got in the car.

“How’s it goin’, big guy?”  Ted asked as he socked Joe in the arm.

“Not good,” Joe said solemnly as he looked straight ahead out the window.

“Too tough for ya?” Ted asked in reference to his punch.

Joe turned his head and looked at Ted, but didn’t say anything.

For someone who has supposedly lost his memory, he sure is acting like he knows who I am, Ted thought.  “Hey, how about we go into Rochester and hit McDonald’s.  Let’s see if you can still eat 10 Big Macs in one sitting."

Joe didn’t know who he was in the car with or what this person was talking about, but Joe figured he must know him because he was friendly enough.  Joe picked up on the word “eat,” so he responded to Ted, “Sure.”

Dang, thought Ted, he hasn’t lost his memory.  He still knows what a Big Mac is!

Ted turned the car around and headed toward Rochester, stopping at the Aden farm to tell Christa and Sharon that he and Joe were going to McDonald’s.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Ted,” Christa said. “He’s not going to know what to order to eat.”

“Aw, he’ll be fine.  He’s in good hands with me, Mrs. Aden.”  

Page 28: We Can't Find Joe!

Ted arrived at the Aden farm just a little before supper time. He knocked on the door several times, but no one answered. He checked to see if the door was locked, which it wasn't, so he walked right on in.

Ted had become just like one of the family since he and Joe had started hanging out.  It wasn't unusual for him to come over any time he felt like getting away from the wife and kids. He had popped over plenty of times late in the evening only to have Evelyn put a full meal out on the table for him. 

Joe's mom was about the nicest person on the planet.  Hard worker, too--seven kids in eight years--working right alongside John in the barn and in the field.  She was a pillar of strength after Tessie died, always saying how thankful she was that she didn't lose two kids that day and how thankful she was that the good Lord took Tessie instead of her being a vegetable and Joe having to look at her every day as a reminder of what happened.  It was no wonder Joe loved her as much as he did.

"Hello? Anybody home?" Ted yelled as he cautiously walked through the kitchen. Water boiling on the stove and a roast in the oven, someone must be home, Ted thought. He walked around the corner and yelled down the hallway, "Hellloooo?"

Still no answer. Ted walked back into the kitchen and turned the burner off on the stove. The water must have boiling for while, Ted observed, because there was barely any water left in the pot. He opened up the oven door and peeked inside.  He saw that the roast was to the point of being burnt.

Ted went back outside. Both the family car and truck were in the yard. Sharon's car was there, too.  As loud as he could, Ted yelled again, "Anybody here?" Just as he was getting ready to walk down to the barn, he saw Sharon running from the field, out of breath, panicking, "Ted, Joe took off, we don't know where he is. We thought he was lying down.  Mom went in to get him up for supper, and he wasn’t in his room."

"Maybe he just went for a walk. He's a big boy. He'll be fine," Ted said reassuringly.

"No, he won't be fine. Joe doesn't remember anything so he'll probably get lost. Plus, he was really upset earlier today.  I’ve checked all the buildings, and Mom is headed out toward the apple orchard.  Can you please help?”

“Yeah, sure,” Ted said begrudgingly.  “I’ll just take my car and drive around the section and then head towards town. I’m sure he’s OK, Sharon.  He probably just needed to clear his head.”

“Right!” Sharon said sarcastically. “Obviously you haven’t seen Joe since his shock treatments.  There isn’t anything in his head to clear!”  Sharon wasn’t trying to be funny, but Ted burst out laughing anyway. “It isn’t funny!” Sharon said  angrily.

“OK, Ok, I’m sorry,” Ted said as he tried to hold back a smile.  With that, he walked to his car, started it and drove off to help find Joe.

FACTS:  Joe would leave the house and get lost because he didn't know where he was and couldn't find his way.  

Page 27: Those High School Days

Even though Ted had known Joe ever since grade school at St. Mark’s, they were never, what Ted would call, close friends.  Joe just tried too hard to get everyone to like him, and because of that, Joe was teased something fierce. Always there, always around, always showing off, like a lost puppy dog that follows you everywhere no matter how hard you try to shoo it away. 

There was a lot of tension among Joe and the rest of the guys on the football and basketball teams. It just wasn’t fair that Joe could come in as a starter his junior year and play every game, the whole game. But even being a star football and basketball player didn’t win Joe any friends in high school.  He still was picked on by all the guys on the team.  One night they even beat Joe up after one of their football games. “Let’s see how tough you really are, Moose!” they taunted, as they started throwing their jabs.  Joe never fought back, and Lord knows, he probably could have killed them if he wanted.  He just stood there, tears in his eyes, taking blows to his body as if he was a human punching bag.  

That was over 20 years ago. Not a lot of Ted’s high school friends stayed in the Elsmore area, so he and Joe had become closer throughout the years, mostly by default—really no one else to hang out with.  The two of them had continued to play basketball for a city league, winning several championships. Ted had heard that Joe was not doing so well since he had been released from Mayo.  Rumor had it that Joe had lost all of his memory, didn’t even remember his mom or any of his family.  Ted was skeptical, thinking that maybe Joe was up to his old tricks of trying to get some attention. Ted decided it was time to pay Joe a visit and see for himself first-hand just how bad of a state Joe was in.

FACTS:  Joe was beat up after a football game in high school.  There was speculation among Joe's friends that his memory loss wasn't as bad as it was.  Joe did play on a Rochester city basketball league.

Page 26: Joe the Mechanic

It was no secret that Joe loved fast cars, from his Pontiac Duster that he used to drag race, to the Corvettes that he paraded around town.  It was probably his love for cars and their engines that made Joe decide to be an auto mechanic.  He took classes in the Twin Cities at Cummins headquarters and became a certified Cummins engine man.  Frank Stellar, owner of Stellar Motors in Elsmore, hired Joe on the spot. Joe had a reputation of working hard at whatever he did, so Frank knew that Joe would be a great asset to his shop.

As it turned out, Frank was right—Joe was the best diesel mechanic Stellar Motors had ever had.  It didn't take long before Joe’s reputation spread throughout the region.  People came from hundreds of miles around because they only wanted Joe to work on their engines.  Not only was he a great mechanic, he had a memory like no one else—memorizing all the numbers in the auto parts manuals.  He never had to look up a single number—knew it right off the top of his head. 

People also came from miles around just to see how big and strong Joe really was. Legend had it that Stellar Motors didn't need their truck jacks anymore because they had Joe. Many townspeople witnessed Joe picking up the rear end of a car by its bumper on more than one occasion.  In fact, one time, in high school, his friends saw him move a parked Cadillac Seville forward by at least a foot.

This was the Joe that Ted remembered, always showing off how strong he was, trying to be accepted as “one of the guys.”  During their high school days, in addition to picking up or moving cars, Joe would try to impress everyone by flexing his arm muscle and then slapping it so hard that another muscle would form on top of it. 

FACTS:  All true, according to stories told.

Page 25: Sorry...don't come here for help!

Joe and Sharon were back at the house.  Joe went back to his room again and laid down, trying to get Tessie and the accident out of his mind. 

Sharon told Christa everything that happened on their walk.  It had been a tough week.  Joe was not getting better.  Christa decided to call Dr. Spitzack.  When the receptionist told her that he wasn’t available, she said it was an emergency.  The receptionist paged Dr. Spitzack, and he took Christa’s call.

“Dr. Spitzack...I don’t know what to do.  Joe’s memory loss is worse than I had imagined.  I think he needs to come back in.  He’s so frustrated and angry that I’m afraid he’s getting depressed again, but this time it’s because of not being able to remember.”

“Mrs. Aden, I wish that I could help you, but Joe is no longer my patient.  He was referred by the county clinic, we’ve provided the recommended treatment, and now he is out of our care.”

“Are you kidding me?” Christa felt the anger rising inside of her.  “Doctor, you said if we had any questions, that we should call you.”

“Mrs Aden, as I explained to you before, there’s no explanation for Joe’s memory loss.  In fact, I can only ascertain that Joe is faking this, possibly for attention.  There’s nothing more that I can help you with.”  And with that Dr. Spitzack ended the conversation by hanging up the phone.

FACT:  Joe's doctor Thought that Joe was "acting" like he lost his memory.  When Joe's mother called back for help, even though they said to call if they needed help, the doctor referred to the county clinic.

Page 24: Go Away Little Girl

Joe and Sharon were both silent as they slowly walked back to the house.  As they passed the apple orchard, the memory of Tessie came to Joe as clear as day.  Joe began to speak, retelling the whole accident to Sharon, just as if it was happening right then and there.  

Joe confided in Sharon, “It’s my fault she died, you know. I pushed her, and then I just watched her fall.  She cried, but I didn’t help her.”

Sharon searched for the words to comfort Joe.  “It wasn’t your fault.  Ma said that even if the accident happened on the front lawn of the Mayo Clinic, they wouldn’t have been able to save her, and if they would have, she would have been a vegetable her whole life.”

Sharon hesitated for a moment.  “What I don’t understand, Joe, is how come you remember Tessie and the accident and you can’t remember anything else?”

“I don’t know,” Joe said solemnly, “but I see her, me and the accident in my sleep almost every night, just like it’s right here happening in front of my eyes.”  Joe started to cry again.  “She just won’t go away.”

Page 23: Joe and Michael Jordan

Joe tried to rest, but he was finding it difficult to relax.  He kept seeing himself and Tessie playing in the apple orchard.  The visions and the nightmares wouldn’t stop.  He told Dr. Spitzack about them, but he said eventually they would go away.  Why did he have to remember this, when he couldn’t remember anything else?

Joe’s sister, Sharon, poked her head into Joe’s room.  “Joe, you alright? Mom said you had a rough time at the grocery store.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Joe said.  “Sharon, do you see Tessie or is it just me?”

“Joe, you know Tessie is gone, and she ain’t comin’ back.  It’s OK, it was an accident,” Sharon decided to try and get Joe’s mind off of everything that was bothering him.  “Hey, let’s go for a walk, come on....”

Joe reluctantly got up and put his shoes on.  “Sharon, can you help me tie my shoes?  They showed me in the hospital, but I can’t quite get it.”

Sharon got down on her knees and tied Joe’s shoes for him.  Being seven years younger than her big brother, it was ironic that Sharon was helping Joe tie his shoes.  Just as a mother would teach her little child how to tie a shoe, so Sharon explained the process to Joe. 

“Now, let’s go!”  Out the door the two of them went and they started walking down the driveway and then up the hill on the gravel road that traveled past their house.  “Let’s talk about something that’s fun,” Sharon said enthusiastically.  “How about Michael Jordan?”  Sharon remembered how much Joe loved Michael Jordan.  Joe thought they were “soul brothers” because they had the same birthday, February 17th.  Sharon sometimes secretly wondered if the fact that Michael Jordan retired from basketball to play minor league baseball contributed to some of Joe’s depression. 

Joe didn’t say anything, so Sharon just kept on talking.  As Sharon rambled on and on, Joe stopped dead in his tracks, falling to his knees, shaking his head and clenching his fists.  “Stop, stop!”

“Joe, what’s wrong?” Sharon urgently asked.

“I don’t know who...who did you say?  Michael Jordan?  I don’t know who Michael Jordan is!” Joe was frustrated.  “Don’t you understand? I don’t know...I don’t know...I don’t know anything!”

Sharon dropped to the ground and knelt next to Joe.  “Joe, I’m so sorry.  I thought maybe you would start to remember if I told you all about him.  I’m so so sorry that I upset you.”

Facts:  Joe kept seeing visions and dreaming about Tessie and the accident.  Joe and Michael Jordan share the same birthday.  Michael Jordan was Joe's hero.

Page 22: Watermelon

Joe saw lots of things on the drive back to Elsmore, none of which were familiar to him, all of which he was afraid of.  He saw big monsters in the field.  Sometimes they were red, sometimes they were green.  He later learned that these “monsters” were tractors and combines, things that he drove on a frequent basis when helping out his parents on the farm.

Christa decided to make a stop at the grocery store before going home.  She would have Joe pick out his favorite foods so that she could fix him the big meals like she used to.  When they arrived at the grocery store, Joe followed Christa in.  Once inside the store, Joe looked at all the different colors and sizes of items sitting on the shelves.

“Joe, would you grab me one of those watermelons?  You’ve always loved watermelon,” Christa said.

Joe looked confused.  He looked around, hoping that he would see something that he knew would be a watermelon.  But he didn’t.  “Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon....” he kept hearing the word over and over in his head until he felt like his head was spinning.  He knew he should know what a watermelon was.  His mom said he loved watermelon...but he didn’t know.  He just didn’t know!  He started to cry.

Christa had gone ahead with the cart, and when she realized that Joe wasn’t behind her, she turned around to see him standing there, frozen, his hands clenched at his side, tears streaming down his face.  “Oh goodness, Joe, what’s wrong?” 

Considerably upset, Joe quietly cried, “I don’t know...don’t know...what’s a watermelon?”  

Tears came to Christa’s eyes as well.  Joe didn’t even know what food was or what food he liked.  She showed him the watermelons.

Joe took his hands and felt the watermelon, and then he picked it up.  “How do you eat this?!”  he asked.

Christa explained that you cut it up, that it is pink inside and that you don’t eat the green shell.  “When we get home, I’ll show you, and you can have some.  You’ll remember when you taste it, I’m sure.”

Making the shopping trip shorter than she had intended so as not to frustrate Joe anymore, Christa quickly grabbed a few more items, checked out and left the grocery store, explaining her every move to Joe so that he would understand.

When they got home, she took the watermelon, cut it up into bite size pieces, put it into a bowl, and gave Joe a fork to eat it with.  He took a bite and chewed it slowly.  It’s what Joe did with every new food he ate, because even though he had eaten it many times before, he couldn’t remember, and he was afraid--afraid of the taste, afraid of what it might do to him.  He had to trust his mom, trust her that this was something he should eat and trust her that he would like it.

He decided he liked the watermelon and took another bite as he refilled his memory with the name and taste of more foods that he liked.

FACT:  Joe didn't know what a watermelon was and experienced great frustrations over not knowing what certain foods were.

Page 21: Black & White

Dr. Spitzack came into the room to say goodbye to Joe and to give Christa some last instructions on Joe’s care.  “Now Joe will need to still come in for therapy three times a week,” Dr. Spitzack instructed.  “He needs to continue his speech therapy, and we do have a tutor who will continue working with him to help him with his general knowledge--kind of a high school refresher course. If you have any questions once you get Joe home, please don’t hesitate to call me.”

“OK,” Christa said. “And you are sure that Joe will regain his memory?”

“Absolutely!” Dr. Spitzack said with confidence.  “Remember, we have found no reason for his memory loss.  Joe will remember as soon as he wants to.”

Meanwhile Joe had been looking outside his door into the hallway and concentrating on something he had never seen before.  Just like everything Joe had never seen before, it scared him.

“Hey, doctor,” Joe called.

Dr. Spitzack turned his attention away from Christa.  “Yes?”

“What’s wrong with him--by the door?”

Dr. Spitzack and Christa both looked into the hallway.  They saw one of the other psychiatrists on staff talking with a nurse.

“Wrong? That’s Dr. Hunt.  There’s nothing wrong with him.” Dr. Spitzack said quizzingly.

“His skin...not like you and me.”  

Dr. Spitzack seemed irritated.  “Joe, Dr. Hunt is African American.  He’s black.  You and I are white.  He just has a different skin color.”

“I’ve never seen that.” Joe said.

“Joe, you’ve never seen a black person before?”  Mr. Spitzack asked.

“Don’t know.  Don’t think so,” Joe said innocently.  “Scares me, though.”  

Joe made a mental note, refilling another page, “Black and white.  I’m white.  He's black.  Nothing to be scared of.”

FACT:  The first time Joe saw a black person, he was afraid of that person.

Page 20: Joe is Going Home

It had been four weeks since Joe was admitted to the psychiatric ward at Mayo Clinic.  During the last week, Joe started working with therapists to begin helping him relearn basic cognitive and motor skills.

A speech therapist met with him everyday and showed him words, the letters that made up the words, how to pronounce the words, and then showed him the word in the dictionary and read what the word meant.  To Joe, the word was much like his memory.  It existed, but the meaning was void.

Christa still came everyday, too, bringing with her photo albums and visitors of friends and family.  Joe showed interest in the pictures and the visits, but again, just like his memory, they had no context or meaning.  None of it generated any type of feeling or emotion in Joe.  

There was one thing that did generate a feeling inside of Joe, though.  Tessie.  He saw her every day.  Sometimes when he was sleeping and sometimes when he was awake.  Even though he didn’t remember his family or friends, he knew Tessie.  He knew she was his sister.  He knew what a sister was.  And, every time he saw her, he saw himself as a little boy, too.  He saw her fall.  He saw her hurt.  And he saw himself just stand there doing nothing. He saw her say it was his fault.  Every day, this is what he saw.  It wouldn’t go away.

Today, Joe was finally going to go home.  Christa showed up right at noon to pick Joe up.  He was ready and waiting.  As she walked into the room, Joe said, “Hi Mom.”

Christa never thought she would ever hear him call her “Mom” again.  While it meant so much to Christa, it had no meaning to Joe.  “Mom” was just a word that he was told to call this person--the person that had been by his bedside every day for the last four weeks.  He had no knowledge of what a “mom” was or no recollection of what important role his “mom” had played in his life the last 40 years.

FACTS:  Joe did work with therapists to regain speech and learning.  Joe had visions and nightmares of Tessie and the accident frequently.  It was the only thing he remembered.

Page 19: From Football to Basketball

Christa began paging through her photo albums.  She must piece together as much of Joe’s life as she could and talk to him every day about the pictures and what was going on in his life at the time.

She came upon the newspaper clipping she had saved from Joe’s high school basketball days.  

“Aden Selected for All-Star Team,” the header read, his high school graduation picture displayed directly under the header.  Joe was the only player from Elsmore to make the all-star team his senior year and all of the other players were from the bigger city high schools.  

Just like football, Joe waited until his junior year to go out for basketball.  His football coach encouraged him.  “Someone your size can only be an asset to our basketball program,” Coach Larson had said.

While Joe may have been tall, his size made him a bit uncoordinated and he spent most of the games sitting on the bench.  Frustrated over never being able to play, Joe finally asked his coach one night after practice what he needed to do in order to start.  “Aden,” he said, “just try a little harder and maybe you can start.”

From that day on, Joe worked harder than he ever had before.  The other boys on the team continued to pick on him, just like they had ever since Joe came to Elsmore High.  They knew they could get away with their teasing, because Joe never did anything back to them.  He just took it all in and walked away.

But now Joe was determined to show them.  Just like he showed them in football.  He was going to get a starting spot on the basketball team.  

Sure enough, three weeks later, Joe came home after school, all excited, “Guess what, Mom?”

“What?” Christa replied.

“Guess what? Just guess what?” he said beamingly.

“What?” Christa knew it must be something big.

“Just guess!”

Christa was getting impatient, “WHAT?”

“I’m starting tonight,” Joe said proudly.

It meant so much to him.  And from that game on, Joe started and played every game.  While he wasn’t much of a shot, he became the team’s best defensive player and led the team in rebounding.  And, that’s why he made the all-star team.

Facts:  Joe didn't start playing basketball until his junior year, and he did ask the coach what he needed to do to start.  Joe was selected to be on WCCO's All-Star team.

Page 18: Is Joe Faking his Memory Loss?

“Hello?” Christa asked, hoping that she would hear Dr. Spitzack’s voice on the other end of the telephone.

“Mrs. Aden, this is Dr. Spitzack.  I’m returning your call.”

“Thank you,” Christa said with a sense of relief. “Dr. Spitzack,” Christa continued, “I’m a little concerned about the memory loss that Joe is having.  I understand that short-term memory loss is common with ECT, but it seems that Joe’s memory loss is more substantial.  Every day I go to visit him, he still doesn’t remember me or any of our family.  I bring photos, and he doesn’t remember anything.  Then today, one of the nurses told me that he didn’t even remember how to go to the bathroom or how to eat his food.”

Dr. Spitzack was silent for a moment.  “Mrs. Aden, I’ve observed this behavior in Joe as well, and I have every reason to believe that Joe has what we call a conversion disorder.”

“Conversion disorder?” Christa asked. “Can you explain?”

“Well, that’s just it.  There really is no explanation for a conversion disorder.  It typically happens as a result of a traumatic event in someone’s life.  For example, some people might experience pain in their leg or arm, even though there is no medical reason for the pain.  The anxiety that they are experiencing as a result of that traumatic event is converted into a ‘fake’ physical condition.”

“In Joe’s case,” the doctor continued, “the traumatic event of his sister’s death has resulted in a conversion disorder, but instead of experiencing a pain in his leg,  Joe seems to have lost his autobiographical memory.”

Christa needed clarification.  “What do you mean by autobiographical memory?”  

“One’s autobiographical memory is made up of all the events in one’s life that makes them who they are--personal experiences, people, events, general knowledge and facts about the world in which they live.  That’s why Joe doesn’t seem to know what things are or how to do something.  All the things that have made up his life for the past 40 years are essentially gone from his memory.”

“And never to return?” Christa asked fearfully.

“It’s still there, Joe is just suppressing it right now--like the ‘fake’ pain in the leg,” Dr. Spitzack tried to explain.

Puzzled, Christa asked, “So he’s faking his memory loss?”

“Since we can’t find evidence of any serious or significant brain problems, and there is no explanation for his memory loss...yes.”

Fact:  According to Joe & his family, the doctor thought he was "faking" his memory loss and he was termed as having a "conversion disorder" and was told that he had lost his "autobiographical memory" as a result of the conversion disorder. 

Memories of Joe & Winona State

As you read in the last posting, Joe played football for the Winona State Warriors in the fall of 1971.  Moon Molinari knew Joe's high school football coach, and it was at his prompting that Joe decided to go to Winona State.  However, Moon retired before Joe actually got to play football that fall.

Joe's head coach was Bob Keister, who had been the defense coach under Moon.  Keister was only 37 years old, and when he took on the responsibilities of the head coaching job, he totally revamped the staff.  It was a "young and energetic coaching staff."

The Winona State Warriors had just come off of two losing seasons, and the the 1971 season wasn't any better.  A young coaching staff and young players, including a freshman quarterback, the team was plagued with high-scoring shut outs and lots of injuries, including Joe.

Details of Joe's playing career at Winona State are sketchy at best.  Joe's head high school coach remembers Joe starting every game, but his senior "mentor" says that Joe didn't start, but would be subbed in later in the games.  Joe's "mentor" also said that he remembered Joe as being very shy and a goofball--much like his high school teammates remembered him.  His mentor said they had some great times together, and the one things that sticks out in his memory is the time that they played the University of Chicago at Soldier Field.  While they were in Chicago, they visited the top of the Sears Tower.  Joe was so scared to stand up that he crawled across the floor to the windows!  Since Joe was in Chicago with the team, we know that he was one of 25 traveling freshman for the team.

Stories are also sketchy as to how Joe really got hurt.  Some say it was during practice, some say that it was during a game, some say he hit a goal post.   Regardless, Joe was hit, or hit something, hard enough that it apparently caused his helmut to crack.  He suffered a severe concussion and was told he should never play football again.

Ironically, even though Joe must have been one of the 25 traveling freshman on the team, and is very well remembered by his senior mentor, Coach Keister had no recollection of Joe.  In fact, he put me in contact with several "Hall of Famers" from that year, and they also had no memory of Joe.  They only knew that he had played because they had a roster with Joe's name on it.

And, an attempt to interview Moon Molinari, who was Joe's first introduction to the team, was not possible either.  At the time this book was started, Moon was 91 years old and was in the hospital.  He passed away on October 20, 2011.